10 5 / 2013
"Most loving Father, whose will it is for us to give thanks for all things, to fear nothing but the loss of you, and to cast all our care on you who cares for us: Preserve me from faithless fears and worldly anxieties, that no clouds of this mortal life may hide from me the light of that love which is immortal, and which you have manifested to us in your son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever, Amen."
02 5 / 2013
We don’t belong to ourselves.
We belong to God.
Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and are to be tended to with love and respect.
01 5 / 2013
We sat together at her kitchen bar and she looked at me with honest eyes. She encouraged me and said she was proud of me. This wasn’t the first time.
This wasn’t the first time she had congratulated me for surviving the great valley that was the year 2012. But it was the first time she mentioned how significant it is to finally let go of control and let God to God’s job.
She and her family are moving to New Mexico this Summer, and I will miss her dearly, and I will let her go.
We both agreed that this verse is one to cling to: “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” - Jesus.
Tonight I am very thankful for Laura and the way she emphasizes how wonderful the future can be, if only we let go of control.
27 4 / 2013
"The Hebrew word, the word ‘timshel’—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’"
27 4 / 2013
When I was in Japan, Christmas 2011, I met a young woman whose name, to be honest, I no longer remember.
One day, I gave her a gift of a small granola bar.
The custom and the respectable thing to do (especially if you are a traditional Japanese woman) is to give a gift in return.
She gave me a trinket god and explained that it was an object to whom I should pray.
I remember holding this shiny metal ornament in my hand and wondering how to tell this woman that I couldn’t pray to something that wasn’t my God.
After a trip to the baths and a chance to meditate on what Jesus would have me do, I decided to give the trinket god back. How rude, right?
But God showed me how to turn it into an opportunity to share with this woman that I worship only one God, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
When I told her this, her face looked forlorn, yet interested. She apologized for giving me the trinket god and then gave me a scrunchie for my hair instead.
26 4 / 2013
So I guess I’m normal again. I went to the psychiatrist today and he said he didn’t see any manic symptoms in me. This doesn’t mean I don’t have bipolar disorder anymore, it just means I’m not experiencing the symptoms right now - no rushing thoughts, wild sign language, wearing my underwear over my pants (like I did in the hospital, ha ha).
I’m stable. Which is a blessing.
I’m closer to understanding who I am: what I like, what I don’t like. And yes, as a Christian, I know it’s not all about me.
But this identity thing matters; it’s important to know who you are. And I’m glad that I’m not defined by mania or depression any longer. I want to be defined by the things of Christ: humility, kindness, goodness, gentleness, love.
25 4 / 2013
1. Dry skin
2. Sore throats
5. Eating disorders
6. Bleu cheese
7. Loud white noise
8. Feeling neglected
11. That feeling in your stomach when receiving bad news
13. Speeding tickets
14. Writer’s block
18. Getting lost
19. Failing college algebra
20. Side effects
25 4 / 2013
1. Bon Iver
4. Green tea
10. Thai food
11. Walking with my mom and the dogs
12. Azusa Pacific University
15. Talking story
17. Vegas Roots Community Garden
18. My dad’s laugh
19. Sharing music with my sister